the inner curmudgeon

Anoicdcrg to raseerch at an Eilgsnh uitevnrisy, it dseon’t mtetar waht oredr the lterets in a wrod are. So lnog as the frsit and lsat lrttees in a wrod are in the rhgit palce, the rset of the ltteres can be jbelumd any wchih way wtuoiht gtrealy acfifentg our ailtbiy to raed tehm.

Tihs nwes has been diong the rondus on the net the psat few dyas. The msot intsteirneg alirtce I’ve seen is at Ucnle Jzezabau’s Gafurllmeiay. One tihng I’m coruuis abuot is how praull, acavdtiejl and ohter wrod fmros are aftfeecd?

Aslo, are trhee any wdors wihch are “ianrtnel” aramagns - taht is, arganmas in wichh the fsrit and lsat leretts are the smae, but the rset of the letrtes jbmelud. If scuh eisxt, how wulod we go rienadg tehm wehn smebaclrd? I ianimge taht three wolud be wodrs taht cuold be eslaiy cfuesnod wtih ecah oethr - for iatsnnce: “snpilleg” and “senlipeg”.

Aeftr gniog bcak oevr the smblraecd viesron of waht I’ve jsut werittn, I tnhik taht the scabmreld txet is mcuh haredr to raed tahn ppeole are minkag out, but why don’t you tlel me waht you tihnk?

I find it particularly spooky that the Atlantic Oceanic and Meteorological Laboratory feels it necessary to include this in their list of frequently asked questions.

The technical explanation of why reducing the largest nuclear arsenal in the world by using it to blow out hurricanes just won’t work is very interesting. Still, you don’t have to be Einstein to figure out that spreading radioactive death over the world’s second-largest ocean probably isn’t the best way to help lift real estate prices in Florida.

Mind you, perhaps I should email those guys at the Atlantic Oceanic and Meteorological Laboratory with a question of my own. I get the nuclear thing, but I can’t for the life of me come up with one good reason we shouldn’t drop dumb-arse rednecks into hurricanes.

I think it was in NewScientist some weeks back that I read about the Creation Science Fair. Today I stumbled across an article by one Dr Richard Paley who went into more detail.

The winner in the Elementary School Level was Cassidy Turnbull with My Uncle Is A Man Named Steve (Not A Monkey) in which she treated attendees to a syllogistic tour de force: monkeys eat bananas; my uncle refuses to eat bananas, therefore my uncle is not a monkey. Of course, from there it is limpidly clear that the Darwinian edifice must crumble around the ears of evil secular humanists the world ’round.

However, Cassidy failed to spot a faulty premise - that all monkeys eat bananas under all circumstances. As everyone knows, creatures harbouring an excess of pathogenic intestinal fauna, or subject to one of a variety of systemic disorders will refuse even foods that would be popular under other circumstances. So, Cassidy has failed to exclude the possibility that her uncle may in fact be one very sick monkey.

Sadly, Dr Paley fails to furnish us with details on the Honourable Mentions with such thought provoking titles as: Mousetrap Reduced To Pile Of Functionless Parts, Rocks Can’t Evolve, [So] Where Did They Come From Mr. Darwin or the positively tantalising Pokemon Prove Evolutionism Is False.

I know this is old news, but is it just me or was the whole Madonna-Spears tongue tango one of the most underwhelming media stunts of the year? I am so fucking sick of the faux controversy that the media is trying to stir up.

To give us some idea of how boring the whole thing was, Britney’s mum has weighed in to the so-called “debate” by telling us that she’s “cool” about the whole thing. Why the hell wouldn’t she be “cool” about it? She’s been “cool” with her daughter’s past PR stunts, so why should this one be any different?

If either of them were actually lesbians or genuinely sexually ambivalent then I might be impressed. That would take actual courage. It might actually even say something worthwhile.

I really am astonished at the kind of things that companies will waste their - and our - money on. Not to mention the world’s precious resources. Disney has decided that what the world really needs is self-destructing DVDs. Don’t we already have enough landfill?

This bizarre notion reminds me of another really dumb idea that various people have been trying to flog for a few years now - disposable mobile phones. Despite the failure of one such scheme a few years ago, the idea keeps resurfacing.

Quite apart from the obvious environmental stupidity, these concepts fail to address any actual need. For the price they’re asking for a disposable phone, I can get three months on a prepaid plan with plenty of change left over to put towards a second hand phone. Similarly, the cost of these disposable DVDs is about the same as the rental on a new release movie and if you wait a couple of months you can get the same thing out for a fraction of the price and keep it out for a week or more.

Hopefully Disney’s plan will die a quick, quiet death and they can go back to bulldozing lemmings off cliffs and other equally constructive pursuits.